I have to admit, it has been a tough couple of weeks for humor. Everything is so disgraceful it’s hard to find things to laugh about. Except your face! HAHA!
Even after years of hanging out with your coffees and your women, I still no consider myself to really be a part of this place.
America, I mean. Everything I seem to say, comes back to shoot me in the foot. Everything I eat eventually ends up in your beautiful oceans (in one form or another). Everything I read further confuses me. Everything I look at eventually pokes me in the eye!
As much as I think I know what “the deal is” I am constantly amazed by the true connivance of events.
Take for example “Operation Shock and Awe.” Now, I thought that was a great idea! Bombing a place with ridiculous intensity for a few days straight always gets a population of skeptics on your side. But for some reason it hasn’t worked! It’s helped turn our war into the biggest flop since “Miss Match”!
Now, Luboknovich is not one to make believe he has an advanced degree in Tank Engineering or even experience as a drill sergeant in the Red Army (anymore). No, I learned my lesson on Valentine’s Day and I will never claim such stuff again (you hear me Slutskaya?!)
But if there’s something Luboknovich is not, it is a dressmaker’s dummy (at least since I stopped dating Vera Wang), and, despite my miscalculations in nineteen nineties-three, -five, and -eight, I still know how to climb out on a tree limb!
But while everyone acknowledges that Alicia Silverstone’s talents could be much better served, very few single out “Shock and Awe” as the “Smoldering S’more” it seems to have become.
You see, because just as the Iraqis dislike s’mores (completely unpredictable), our enemies just can’t get enough of setting our equipment ablaze!
In Byelorussia we have a saying:
If you beat a grizzly all night, your arms will be missing before lunch; and you will have a wet kerchief!
Now, I may not understand that saying, but I must note that I find nothing wrong with getting America’s kerchief a little damp. That’s fine. But wet is unacceptable. And no arms?! Unpardonable. I think. I really never got that saying… sorry. Which makes it difficult to prove my point. Or even determine for myself exactly what my point may be!
You see, the problem with America is that we have been Layed by a Dick, a Bush, a Cond, and a Colin and we were stupefied by a Rum!
How dare we allow ourselves to be bamboozled?!
Let me tell you this much: Since the war began my life has have changed very drastically. Before the war I ate an average of one hamburger a day… nowadays I eat an average of only three-fourths of a hamburger per day! Otherwise, my life is the same. But is our country the same? I don’t know!
We are now a culture of vultures, a cavalcade of cynics, and a society of skeptics.
How bad has it become?! Nowadays people even question the validity of the Atkins Diet!
Now, if you ever need a gauge of our culture’s level of skepticism, that’s one right there!
I mean, we’ve gotten to the point where pretty much everybody knows what “Allahu Akbar!” means. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know!
But enough with nautical references! This is serious stew!
It seems that we have been beating the grizzly for the past 13 months and we are intent to keep on doing it! This is dangerous! It’s dangerous for us and for the grizzlies. It’s as if our leaders don’t read Russian folktales!
